Underwhelmed and bored...
Well... things didn't go as expected. I haven't actually started my new job. Still need to wait for some background check info to come through idk so I've just been stuck in limbo with no drive to do anything.
I still got done with some few tasks like working on my final few songs for the album and trying to get done with some design stuff for this website. I'm not really as motivated to do shit this week. Barely scraping by with the bare minimum.
Besides that, I've been in a deep regretful and melancholic rut. With the announcement of DBXV3, I've been reflecting on all the things I've lost touch with since my adolescence. Newgrounds, DBZ, skateboarding, drawing, gaming, etc. All things I was so passionate about in the past that I cut out because of my ambitions and goals. Now I just feel stupid and remorseful. As I start gearing towards finishing my 'STUPID BULL$#!T' project, I'm getting a sense of shame. Shame that I spent a huge chunk of my life so far trying to 'make it' as a rapper, and neglected the things I truly love. Now I feel like I suck at everything I used to love and kinda resent my dedication to rapping. Now I don't even know if it was worth it all these years. I could've maxed out my DBXV2 character and enjoyed the support and community built around the game. I could've gotten so good at skateboarding and actually be able to kickflip by now. I could've dedicated more time to improving my drawing skills. Now here I am, 25 and full of regret. Man. I wish I enjoyed life as a teen and not been so preoccupied with making stupid rap music no one is even gonna listen.
I really don't know how to forgive myself for causing the premature death of my childhood. Maybe that's why I've been rediscovering a lot of my favorite things from the past like PSP games and comics. I'm just really upset with myself. Now I'm just gonna play some Minecraft and hope I feel better.
