Figured myself out

Mar 13, 2026

I think I figured it out. Maybe. I been stressing out about the wrong shit and putting more time into tasks I don't wanna do. The reason things haven't been going well was because I was too focused on the least impactful, least necessary things in my day, like portrait drawing and Cisco Networking Academy. It's not that those things aren't important, but compared to the goals I genuinely wanna work towards and invest more time in, they just aren't high priority. Either that, or I'd be trying to get too many things done in a day that I wouldn't get any focused blocks of time to accomplish anything meaningful.

The main things I wanted to complete this week were 1. finish this website's design, 2. make a new song, and 3. get done with that AI business analysis tool. Out of all of them, none are completed. If anything, I've set myself back by trying to prioritize them all at the same time. It's not that these things aren't possible for me to complete with my current schedule; I just am not making the needed time to work on them throughout the day.

So all of that to say: I need to narrow my focus on the highest impact tasks throughout the day. On top of that, I should allow myself to do the stuff I actually wanna fuckin do!!! Like, nigga I'm wasting my time just drawing portraits for 2 hours, for all of them to be shitty. I genuinely had a big duhhhh moment these past few days. I'm not getting anything I actually want done, and most of my day is wasted to routine self-regulating activities. I just had to break away from my stupid routine and get into flow state for 5+ hours and design this website for a day to realize this.

With that, I'm not gonna force myself into doing anymore stupid bullshit habits and waste my time. I'm gonna do what I want, day by day. Not in an irresponsible and reckless way, but in a impactful and time efficient way. Between yesterday and today, I've spent at least 7 hours on designing my website. That is more time in a single week than I've gotten on any day this past 3 months. Fuck these stupid ass routines. I hate them anyways, and I don't even see any results. Like I'm just making shitty drawings over and over and calling it practice. No depth, no growth, no learning, just wasting paper (I'm still gonna do it though). Seeing the significant progress made on one main objective genuinely makes me feel more fulfilled overall. There's gotta be some theory or research done on productivity and fulfillment increasing when you work on stuff you actually like.

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