NIGGAS IS PISSED!!!

Jan 30, 2026

I'm frustrated!!! I'm exhausted!!! I'm tired!!! I'm pissed!!!

Man, I just feel so behind. On so many things. Firstly, I just finalized a new beat but have yet to start writing any lyrics. I was really hoping to get it recorded and done by now. Next, since I trashed my last sketchbook, I missed out on a week of gesture drawings and have been slowly catching up on them in a new sketchbook (as of now, I am on my last page). On top of that, I just have not been really tending to improving this website very much. I've been putting off a lot of the template and layout stuff. I was really hoping to get some of that shit done by now; adding new relevant pages, building the site's layout, and eventually getting the domain registered. Overall, things have been pretty stagnant since I crashed out last week.

It just sucks because life stuff is continuing to get in the way. Bullshit like job searching, going to the gym, trying to get my sleep in order, and general family-life stuff just keeps interupting my creative flow. The pressure's really on for me to get a job. It's been 7 months now since I started seriously applying and looking for work. Since July, I've been putting work in on indeed, applying on various other job boards, and just trying to get something going.

Recently, I learned about Chicago's Cultural Affair Department – they are the ones that handle everything related to art and supporting artists in the city. I went down to the cultural center a few days ago and it was cool. I met with someone from the Cultural Resources team and they gave me some good resources to help my career development. Hopefully, something good will come from that.

I really want to dedicate more time and effort towards things I care about, but feel so constricted by a variety of things. I don't know, I'm just gonna take it one step at a time. As long as I'm moving forward, slow progress is better than no progress, I guess.

I started a "Tiny Drawings" sketchbook, yesterday. It's mainly for doodles and random little ink drawings. It's purpose is to create momentum and allow me to do drawings regularly, outside of my daily gesture practice. I see it as a theraputic tool to help me blow off steam and just do something fun. Something I won't have to worry too much about doing perfectly. I have a set of "unwritten" (up until now) rules for the drawings: 1. it must be done using ink. (that includes pen, marker, highlighter, or any other permanent/non-earasable instrument) 2. only one page can be done per day. 3. no using references. drawings must be from imagination. So far I've only done two, one from yesterday and another earlier today. It feels nice just having something I can just mess around and make funny little sketches or create experimental scenes. I was actually inspired by this sticker I saw of some gnome character drawn on a sticker on the back of a sign. It made me stop and look. I really liked the simplistic character design and cartoonish style. Like I said, its just a fun low pressure way for me to stay creatively engaged.

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